My country, left or lefter, the results of a Democrat poll

If Sarah Palin was at your feet dying of thirst and you had a cold 2-liter bottle of Diet Pepsi, what would you do?

Seventy-one percent said they would "probably let her lick the sweat off their balls."

Twelve percent said they would offer her a "nice turd" or a "couple of rocks."

What animal does Sarah Palin remind you of?

Forty-one percent asked, by way of clarification, if a maggot is an animal.

What would you do if Jesus was at your door?

Forty-one percent said they would keep him at bay with a bong pipe or a baseball bat until their local school board arrived.

Twenty percent said they would sell their house before the neighborhood got any worse.

Is there anything more exciting than watching people arguing in circles with straw men?

Seventy-six percent said no.

Twenty percent said, "Unprotected sex, but only with multiple members of the same sex."

What is the greatest scientific achievement in the history of humankind?

Twenty-four percent said, "man-made global warming."

Fifty-nine percent said, "trying to find clean clothes when our parents are on vacation."

Is it ever okay for men to touch the remote?

Twenty-two percent said, "Only to switch to MSNBC."

Twenty-six percent said, "Only to switch to Bravo."

Twenty-nine percent said, "Only to switch to Project Runway."

Do you trust any mainstream TV or print publications?

Eighty-one percent said, "Only MSNBC."

Nineteen percent said, "Bravo."

Is it ever okay to be against abortion?

Twenty-one percent said, "Yes, but only when the parents are crack heads and have an IQ of 75 or lower."

How God-damned is America?

Twenty-nine percent said, "Humongously."

Twenty-seven percent said, "Ginormously."

Twenty-six percent said, "Bodaciously."

Twelve percent simply hyperventilated.

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